Home » Posts tagged 'love' (Page 36)
As much as I want to resist
As hard as it all is
Like a caged bird released
I have to start a new life
And it’s not an escape this time
but rather a strange consequence
of choice that if it turns out
I’m running again than fuck it
like Vanilla Sky I’m gonna fly
Before we knew one another
New York City Central Park
feeding ducks in the pond
Austin making quack-quack sounds
and Tina wanting to go
I looked at you for a long while
before you looked at me
and through my camera lense
I took a picture in black and white
your gaze, tender and aware as if to say
I am here and I’m glad you are too
and I nervous in my boyish wonder
trying to play coy though who was I kidding
tip toeing every word as I so often do
upon first meeting before I muck it all up
with the nonsense I carry like tattered old books
though that day there was no room for Paradise Lost
there was no desire for Walden or Poe
stepping lightly off the curb in those Italian Leather loafers
I thought went well with your hesitant smile
perhaps you felt it too when time stopped
not literally but figuratively as real as a care free afternoon
like that which was the fall in Central Park
and I think I even paid for dinner that night which I couldn’t afford
for all four of us since I had the credit
just trying to be nice, because well
you know, I was happy and I think you were too.
I took off my clothes
my skin suit
and rattled my bones
clicked my heels
and down the hatch
I went spiraling forth
into a bleak oblivion
where not even the dark
could hide, I
stood staring into nothing like
a Mona Lisa replica
my conscience hung midair
like a wine stained sheet
pinned neatly to dry
and there were no bones about it
I had completely lost my mind
stumbling down West 4th and Pine
crossing line after line, every time
after time just me, myself, and I
delirious in my delusion
picking homeless men off the street
with tears in both our eyes
I’m no different than you my dear friend
neither are you from I, he said
you’re going to be all right, he said
as for me well, I’ve lived a storied life, he ended
with a reassuring glance as I handed him two dimes
for it was all I had
collecting my clothes
skin suit and conscience
brave the winter, he said
spring needs you
Life was shit
and life
was all we had
stuck staring
at the Casco Bay
from a lighthouse
that dark summer
where nothing
would go right
and everything went
predictably wrong.
We held each other
in the morning fog
sharing our breath
as if on life support
barely hanging on
you and I and a plug
but we’d picked blueberries
earlier that month
and though life
was shit that summer
nothing went to waste.
Was she ever happy
or was she just pretending?
Was I?
I agree to disbelieve any such questions.
Foolish notions.
I’ve given it far too much energy
to accept such nonsense
and far too little to concede.
What a crime to disregard our time
together no matter how wild
or foot-dragging it was.
I may be a fool but I’m not a foolish fool.
A pity? No.
We were glorious in our infancy
and though covered in blood and tears
marvelous in our dying days.
So many histories
So many lives
cherished
and now
this.
Myself
explored expressed explained
oblivion different reasons
over and over and over again
exposing what I’m feeling
though it never really quite makes sense
unless there’s someone healing
who kind of sort of gets the gist
and cradles their own meaning.
Fee-fi-fo-fum
giants
aren’t always
GIANT —
little one
Love
will change you
disfigure you
destroy you
mold you
into a thousand
desperate forms
of you
before you
can truly Love
Love will
abandon you
leave you
free you
from its grasp
Broken and
alone you
will then know Love
from whatever it was
you
were stuck in before
you
knew better than to Love
false Love
You can love somebody
anybody
unconditionally
but the one thing you can’t do
is change them. You can’t
make them who you wished
they would be, although
yes it’s there
that certain something
always shining
like a diamond in the rough
sparkling is their beauty
but only for a moments glance
before it’s lost again.
God how I wish I could tell them
of everything that I see within them
of all mine and their desires fulfilled
though they wouldn’t believe me
for they couldn’t see themselves
like I see
their souls burning in denial
wanton and wild
whether it be love or vile
you can love somebody
anybody, but
you can’t change them.
Not really.
All you can do is tell them how you feel.
So tell them.
Chances are
they feel that way too.
You should cleanse, she said.
Pouring my whiskey
neat
Well that’s what I’m doing, I told her.
Giving me a knowing glance
that one’s on me, she said.
And this one, I told her
is on them,
pointing at our reflection behind the bar.
She thought that was funny.
Laughing together
was enough.
Words Of An Average White Male 