I’m embarrassed to admit
this fear that something’s missing
Since all the time I’ve spent
remembering who isn’t
Remembering me now
I’m stuck here in the present
Which presently is null
and void of all discretion
Like looking towards tomorrow when
tomorrow never comes
Or existing at a party and
avoiding everyone
It’s like staring into nowhere
just wanting to be
Anywhere but somewhere
with anyone but me
I’m not big enough to change
What’s written in the stars
Said David to Goliath
He did it from afar
It’s stones that I have plenty
Just not the kind that thrill
I’ve excavated many
Just looking for a kill
There’s no use in complaining
We pantomime by choice
I’d scream if I was faking
Like using someone’s voice
Now I’ve a chance to change
What’s burned this hollow heart
To see Goliath fall
Must David too depart?
Now are the days I swallow hard
And hold back midnights tongue
While nothingness takes nothing
From me or anyone’s time distilled
Like water through soil and grief
Now are the days I collect
Water down and look forward to
The alternate side of things
Nobody figures this out
No reason to fear and or doubt
I collect my peace in the park
In front of my face and afar
The trouble with trouble’s remote
Held in the wrong hands it’s a joke
This handshake of failure’s sublime
It comes when it goes then it’s mine
Your reason to reason is pure
When nothing means everything more
If shadows could turn back the time
I’d forever close tight my eyes
So when it seems home is a liar
Your answer is null unrequired
No reason to fear and or doubt
Cause nobody figures this out
Give me a second just to catch my breath
You’re cold as the Winter gonna catch your death
Each morning’s a race you better hold me down
I watch as you paint away your lovers frown—
Night falls quicker when you try to conceive
Words without action make you hard to believe
Was my first impression just a go around
Replaced by the fiction of this hippie town—
Excuse my suggestion for removing hearts
Release this suspension and we fall apart
Her name’s in your mouth like a cherry twist
My faith felt outsmarted by your lovers kiss—
So give me a second my world’s upside down
Revolving around this fucking city now
A due course of action is a simple fix
It’s easy to see now that I’m not transfixed
You call me collect, just to use
A handful of change
It’s ok I guess, it’s just I’m
Hung up with nothing to say
Except that I’m happy
You’re having a beautiful day
I don’t regret much, you were right
When you said I’d have no one to blame—
You accept this call, I accept
The charges in which to exclaim
In keeping my distance, I’m not
Trying to push you away
It’s just that I’m not, feeling so hot
And I’d rather you not feel this way
How was my trip, I forgot
But still I’ll tell you it was okay—
I call it roulette, when you rush in
To nickel and dime
It’s one thing to bet, getting old
It’s a waste of our time
When you look upset, I swear
It should be a capitol crime
I cheated the house, to collect
The change you took that was mine
Is that makeup put on for yourself?
Do you wear it for somebody else?
Cause you’re painted white as a ghost
It’s not a question that I have to know
But it’s alright—baby don’t lie
Is that cashmere from someone you know?
Do you feel like the skin of a goat?
Fed up nowhere when you’re home alone
Answers seem easy now that I’m on my own
Baby it’s alright—nobodies alright
Did you at first build this life for yourself?
Or did you build it for somebody else?
When it feels like you’re out of control
Counting sheep only leads to a hole
Life’s little lessons—you’re left second guessing
You could ask me the same for myself
Is this my head or is it somebody else?
Double standards got me doing the most
Flipping coins like the truth is a joke
Our dearest confessions—I dare you confess them
You see the turnstile spins frankly of course
Do me a favor babe consider the source
Speaking questions like I’ve figured them out
Leaving me speechless left with nobodies help
Our tickets aren’t even—my went bad last season
I haven’t felt estranged in a long time
It’s a path that I’ve been denying
Cry yourself to sleep in the moonlight
Rock-a-bye but babe you’re not dying
It’s an empty sea—full of misery,
Still it keeps you afloat while you’re drowning.
I wake asleep in the sunshine
Full of clouded ideas unwinding
Fall back to sleep in the daylight
Then it’s nightmares before I start trying
There’s a crowd to see—full of history,
They’re the ones who no longer will buy in.
And their chattering—causes you to bleed,
From the blue lines you keep on supplying.
It’s one way to go—it’s the life you know,
And it’s become as boring as breathing.
I haven’t wanted to stay here
It’s a place that I left for a reason
Through your tears I can see clear
And what’s left is simply this feeling
I could lie to you—tell you I’m a fool,
But I’m sorry has lost all its meaning.
It’ll be ok—in another day,
When you see me again I’ll be different.
I’m the fools gold you tried to believe in,
I bite down just so I start believing.
Thought things were getting better
But they were only getting worse
I was picking up the pieces from
A puzzle in reverse
Memories repeating like
Some incurable curse
Though what I hadn’t realized
Would soon present the worst
A method sort of acting gave
Me reason for the course
To lie between the twilight of
What’s true and well rehearsed
Yet nothing spells out treason like
Our compliments at birth
Inception feels like stardust for
Whoever’s speaking first
Perhaps what bothers most of us
Is not the tragic end
When darkness touches the dark in us
It’s there we must begin
It wasn’t ever fun
Even when it lasted
There was always hidden
A motive and agenda
Something I couldn’t figure from afar—
I needed microscopic certainty
That I’d have to disappear
In order to remember—
For them to forget—
That either of us had ever existed
Words Of An Average White Male 