An Existential Quandary

I’m embarrassed to admit

this fear that something’s missing

Since all the time I’ve spent

remembering who isn’t

Remembering me now

I’m stuck here in the present

Which presently is null

and void of all discretion

Like looking towards tomorrow when

tomorrow never comes

Or existing at a party and

avoiding everyone

It’s like staring into nowhere

just wanting to be

Anywhere but somewhere

with anyone but me

David and Goliath: Unconquerable Giants

I’m not big enough to change

What’s written in the stars

Said David to Goliath

He did it from afar

It’s stones that I have plenty

Just not the kind that thrill

I’ve excavated many

Just looking for a kill

There’s no use in complaining

We pantomime by choice

I’d scream if I was faking

Like using someone’s voice

Now I’ve a chance to change

What’s burned this hollow heart

To see Goliath fall

Must David too depart?

The Alternate Side

Now are the days I swallow hard

And hold back midnights tongue

While nothingness takes nothing

From me or anyone’s time distilled

Like water through soil and grief

Now are the days I collect

Water down and look forward to

The alternate side of things

Now This…

Nobody figures this out

No reason to fear and or doubt

I collect my peace in the park

In front of my face and afar

The trouble with trouble’s remote

Held in the wrong hands it’s a joke

This handshake of failure’s sublime

It comes when it goes then it’s mine

Your reason to reason is pure

When nothing means everything more

If shadows could turn back the time

I’d forever close tight my eyes

So when it seems home is a liar

Your answer is null unrequired

No reason to fear and or doubt

Cause nobody figures this out

Broken Hearts in Four Parts

Give me a second just to catch my breath

You’re cold as the Winter gonna catch your death

Each morning’s a race you better hold me down

I watch as you paint away your lovers frown—

Night falls quicker when you try to conceive

Words without action make you hard to believe

Was my first impression just a go around

Replaced by the fiction of this hippie town—

Excuse my suggestion for removing hearts

Release this suspension and we fall apart

Her name’s in your mouth like a cherry twist

My faith felt outsmarted by your lovers kiss—

So give me a second my world’s upside down

Revolving around this fucking city now

A due course of action is a simple fix

It’s easy to see now that I’m not transfixed

A Handful Of Change

You call me collect, just to use

A handful of change

It’s ok I guess, it’s just I’m

Hung up with nothing to say

Except that I’m happy

You’re having a beautiful day

I don’t regret much, you were right

When you said I’d have no one to blame—

You accept this call, I accept

The charges in which to exclaim

In keeping my distance, I’m not

Trying to push you away

It’s just that I’m not, feeling so hot

And I’d rather you not feel this way

How was my trip, I forgot

But still I’ll tell you it was okay—

I call it roulette, when you rush in

To nickel and dime

It’s one thing to bet, getting old

It’s a waste of our time

When you look upset, I swear

It should be a capitol crime

I cheated the house, to collect

The change you took that was mine

Consider The Source: Frankly Of Course

Is that makeup put on for yourself?

Do you wear it for somebody else?

Cause you’re painted white as a ghost

It’s not a question that I have to know

But it’s alright—baby don’t lie

Is that cashmere from someone you know?

Do you feel like the skin of a goat?

Fed up nowhere when you’re home alone

Answers seem easy now that I’m on my own

Baby it’s alright—nobodies alright

Did you at first build this life for yourself?

Or did you build it for somebody else?

When it feels like you’re out of control

Counting sheep only leads to a hole

Life’s little lessons—you’re left second guessing

You could ask me the same for myself

Is this my head or is it somebody else?

Double standards got me doing the most

Flipping coins like the truth is a joke

Our dearest confessions—I dare you confess them

You see the turnstile spins frankly of course

Do me a favor babe consider the source

Speaking questions like I’ve figured them out

Leaving me speechless left with nobodies help

Our tickets aren’t even—my went bad last season

Fools Gold & My Humble Abode

I haven’t felt estranged in a long time

It’s a path that I’ve been denying

Cry yourself to sleep in the moonlight

Rock-a-bye but babe you’re not dying

It’s an empty sea—full of misery,

Still it keeps you afloat while you’re drowning.

I wake asleep in the sunshine

Full of clouded ideas unwinding

Fall back to sleep in the daylight

Then it’s nightmares before I start trying

There’s a crowd to see—full of history,

They’re the ones who no longer will buy in.

And their chattering—causes you to bleed,

From the blue lines you keep on supplying.

It’s one way to go—it’s the life you know,

And it’s become as boring as breathing.

I haven’t wanted to stay here

It’s a place that I left for a reason

Through your tears I can see clear

And what’s left is simply this feeling

I could lie to you—tell you I’m a fool,

But I’m sorry has lost all its meaning.

It’ll be ok—in another day,

When you see me again I’ll be different.

I’m the fools gold you tried to believe in,

I bite down just so I start believing.

When Darkness Touches The Dark In Us

Thought things were getting better

But they were only getting worse

I was picking up the pieces from

A puzzle in reverse

Memories repeating like

Some incurable curse

Though what I hadn’t realized

Would soon present the worst

A method sort of acting gave

Me reason for the course

To lie between the twilight of

What’s true and well rehearsed

Yet nothing spells out treason like

Our compliments at birth

Inception feels like stardust for

Whoever’s speaking first

Perhaps what bothers most of us

Is not the tragic end

When darkness touches the dark in us

It’s there we must begin

As If We Existed

It wasn’t ever fun

Even when it lasted

There was always hidden

A motive and agenda

Something I couldn’t figure from afar—

I needed microscopic certainty

That I’d have to disappear

In order to remember—

For them to forget—

That either of us had ever existed