You might just find yourself
Very much alone and
Without anyone to call so
If you’re unwilling to change then
I just want you to know that
No matter what I’ll be there
Waiting with myself
Waiting for your company
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8:30 in New Jersey
The evening air is still—
Black ice it lies in waiting—
Walking with the cold
I watch asphalt exhaling.
If winter had a home—
Or frost a day to rest—
It be within this heart,
It be within this breath.
What is, and is not necessary—a dialogue.
Whatever’s in my head, is there because I put it there.
It’s there because I allow it to be.
Whatever’s in yours, is yours—I’ve no idea, nor should.
If you’re curious, you may ask and I may tell you whatever’s in my head.
I may not, though that is up to me, as it is equally up to you.
So if and when I seem distant, it’s only because I’m having an internal debate on which to share.
I’m deliberately choosing words which may or may not have an impact on your own definition of me—of you.
Whatever’s in my head may change, in fact, depending on your point of view, so tread however you will when speaking, knowing that—
Whatever’s in your head, is there because we put it there.
And we being a positive or a negative really doesn’t matter.
What matters is, matter of factly null and void, more likely because,
whatever’s in your head, is there because you put it there.
It’s there because it is, if it wasn’t then, well, we wouldn’t be having this discussion with ourselves to begin with.
See. When two people interact or share in a discussion, it’s not simply a yes or no dialogue.
It’s not simply an A and B conversation but rather an (A,(B)) + (C,(D)) process of beliefs which often can be tricky or seem unfair.
And the more you think about it, the less there is to say, because, more times than not it’s what we don’t say that often really matters.
Perhaps I haven’t found the correct words, or perhaps I’m overthinking, perhaps I’m just learning how to communicate all together on a daily.
It’s like casting a line of bate to water. If the intended fish decides to bite, then it’s fair game, but when the intended fish is forced to bite, which for lack of a better metaphor, one can’t exactly force a fish to bite, then there’s an unfair advantage.
The bate is not merely physical bate, but encompasses the mind from which it’s cast with hope, fear, and determination—etc and so on.
The fish may rationalize it’s right to choose feast or famine, ultimately accepting it’s fate regardless of the line cast, by choice of internal and external response, which leads me back to my original point being…
Whatever’s in my head, is there because I put it there.
It’s there because I’ve reserved a rationality for it, and, regardless of the outcome, it’s necessary solely to me.
Further more, what’s necessary to me—perhaps the real point here—is not, nor should be expected to be necessary to you.
Any questions?
Regardless of the election.
There’s a sewer pipe
in the dark, by the L.A. river
like a grave in the ground
where people sleep
by the highway, by the neighborhood
where pumpkins soon
will be replaced by
feasts of Turkey, stuffing, corn
and carefully locked doors,
then to be replaced by balsams and fern
white lights and tender eyes
of Christmas morning,
regardless of the hole by the L.A. river
where people sleep
live, and love—and pray, regardless
of the election, regardless
of the president
I still weep.
Do you?
You just have to live.
Being sober’s
as overrated
as being drunk—
nobody wins.
You just have to live.
The things I can not change
The things I can not change
remind me why I’m here.
They are but the souls
reminder—to stay the course.
Poetry
What is poetry, but
a language of the dead.
It’s an informal dance,
a shared cigarette.
Poetry is
but a one night stand.
It’s a wine ring left,
sheets, stained
between strangers.
Transformation
Any attempt to change who you are
for the benefit of another person
may, for a short while
make that other person happy,
though, with the proper time
and effort to change who you are
to benefit your own becoming
can and certainly will last a lifetime.
And when you allow this transformation
there’s an opportunity for progression,
making obstacles easier to handle,
freedom easier to give,
and makes love easier to receive.
So it seems here, now, in the mornings clean light, where all that I can do is observe—in nature that surrounds—human nature take its course.
I spent a good portion of last night, mooring with the tide, tied to emotions, most of which surely weren’t mine to suffer, though, like a good little buoy I did all I could to stay afloat.
But what causes a man to harbor such feelings of faithless dread.
Sympathy? Empathy? Selfless, selfishness?
Isn’t it funny how even when no one asks us to suffer, we often choose to suffer.
Could it stem from guilt? Plausible, though I think not. Depression? No, because I could still move. Trauma? Not in this case, as it had nothing to personally do with me.
Perhaps than maybe deeper, beyond the physical self, far from age or reason, like roots grown deep within the soil, always there yet invisible to the naked eye.
So then what?
Let’s take the current state of society in which the mind is placed.
We are and always have been reactionary beings, jumping to conclusions without fully taking the time and energy to understand or explore where these irrational compulsions come from.
So the year is 2020 and we are still at one another’s throats.
Not a day goes by that I don’t get a phone call whether or not I am willing to vote. Not a day goes by that I don’t see one side of the argument ready and willing to cut the other’s throat. Not a day goes by where I don’t get the impression that peace is just dependent on war, like an inside joke I just don’t get the humor.
So it’s within this grey area that I swim where both sides of the equation continue to expel these deep seeded emotions from within.
Had it not been for the open minded, tirelessly educated guidance and good nature of a mother, I may have gone another way years ago, though still I stay afloat while the undertow continues its torment.
So it seems here, now, in the mornings clean light, where all that I can do is observe—in nature that surrounds—human nature take its course.
I know who I am. And I know my intentions are good. Sometimes our actions speak louder than words but for most of us, words just don’t seem to be heard.
But that’s no reason to destroy what you can’t control.
So for those who cannot express or explain this current state of extremes we face both alone and together, I suggest this: be a beacon of hope.
Because what we know today, with or without our help, will surely change tomorrow.
So even in my darkest hours, I know, hope will never falter, light will find a way, and tides will turn, if not now, then surely another day.
A kick in the head!
I will always be curious
and allergic to cats.
Ain’t that a kick in the head!
Words Of An Average White Male 