What’s the point in asking the question
If your voice is already defeated
I’d go blind just trying to see it
You know everyone is trying to beat it—
If there’s pain then that means there’s a reason
If there’s truth then it’s hard to believe in
Still it’s hard not to relive this feeling
Where everyone everyone’s stealing—
It’s like selling your grief for a grievance
Why the hell would you even break even
Doing all we could to deceive them
It’s all wasted time wasting time healing—
It’s like playing pretend dressed in your skin
Or saying the pledge of allegiance
When there’s no one to please or believe in
It only matters as much as you mean it
You read my sadness
Word for word
Like I’m a novelty
Then put me down
Back in my place
Some oldtime tchotchke—
And I wonder how it feels,
Window shopping too?—
From the corner of my gladness
To the outskirts of your sadness
Where nothing is for certain
And no one is to blame
Except we don’t glimmer anymore
Or sparkle like we used to—
Ornamental at our best
Tokens from another life
There’s grass and flowers blooming
in Magnolia park
And this absent minded feeling
while the sky grows dark
Lily pads and grapefruit
growing in the yard
Fences form a fortress
full of dull remorse—
You left me standing idle
like a broke down car
Listening to Layla
watching shooting stars
Visions of Johanna
all just fell apart
Romanticized by healing
and those tarot cards—
Now I’m drinking nightly
at an empty bar
They gentrified the valley
and closed the bodega
I still see you smiling
from the bedroom floor
Hailing that taxi
with a broken arm—
A tincture of illusion
pressed beneath the tongue
Awakens the compulsion
to hold a smoking gun
There’s two sides to the story
I’ve got another one
The party’s in the distance
Teen’s wet dream in the sun
I was in love with the odds of failure
so I did all I could to succeed, and did.
All in the same go, all in the same stop.
Now all we have’s the memory.
I’ll keep the one to forget
if you keep the one to remember.
The one never to forget,
the ones kept best from afar,
and the occasional Holiday on ice.
So now all we get is tomorrow.
While yesterday’s dreams unravel.
Ticking like a clock are we
ever able to grasp the moment?
Present in ourselves,
though hardly in another.
Tomorrow’s but a shadow
hurrying to catch up.
There was no hope for us then
We were already too far gone
Gone from where? Neither could tell
But going gone, regardless.
There’s something cynical in your smile
as if I rubbed off some and forgot to say,
that I’m not that kind of cynic.
And I feel no joy from any of this.
My confidence comes and goes
like passing showers in Southern California.