hills of Mulholland

How far West are you willing to go

she asked in the hills of Mulholland

Far enough I said, gripping the dash

Flooring it through winding curves

she closed her eyes and said

If it’s not over the edge than don’t bother

And that’s when I knew she’d never exist

Hitting the breaks and pulling over

I looked out upon the city

quietly

I was alone

the woe that binds

It’s a shame

how much more

I need all of them

the one’s I have loved

when I break they bend

made not of wood

or stone just amends

a man on his knees

who now understands

the difference between

women and men

is the woe that binds

two hearts like a thread.

deserted summers

like fine grains

of sand

everyone I love

falls through my hands

to a beach

of salty air

and deserted

summers

I wade

at bay with the tide

which pulls me

further

and further

from the shore

Completely defeated

Even dulling my senses

doesn’t do the trick

when the truth

is knocking at the door

in fact it’s already inside

warming it’s feet by the fire

smiling in my direction

while I bring it tea

because it asked

and knows

I’m completely defeated.

Everything but this.

How to this

How to that

There’s a How to: For Everything

Everything but this.

You know who you are.

bits of lives

We are built up of

so many different lives.

Like thieves in the night

we steal bits without telling

those we’ve robbed.

How curious it is that those bits

would be so conveniently

left out for our taking.

How awfully clever too.

forgive me father for I have sinned

Everything is quiet now

in the middle of the day

where misery has settled down

like bricks on my chest lay

and although I can’t make a sound

my voice has gone astray

I will not settle underground

tomorrow I shall wake

to soft sounds of the morning

like loved ones I have lost

reminders that my mourning

is not in vain but just

and in the shadows of my mind

to where I now so lay

forgive me father for I have sinned

relieve me of this day.

souls to bargain

There is so much to live for

and so much we will lose in the process.

My heart aches at the thought of it

so much so that I often dive down

the wishing well in hopes of finding

anything tangible other than this loss.

But it is inevitable.

We will lose everything we touch

and in the end find ourselves

empty handed

at the crossroads

with nothing but our souls to bargain.

My focus is a pinball

There is no

If

And

Or

But

About it

My focus is a pinball

With

No

Credits

Left

To play.

time to go outside

The silence

this heat wave

these pale white walls

sunlight and

floorboards whisper

it’s time to go outside.