footnotes in nursery rhyme

Got up this morning ahead of my time

shook fear from my hair and tears from my eyes

took to the mirror and spoke to this guy

who said he knew me from before —

it’s there that he unlocked the door.

He gave me a sunrise he gave me his hand

he told me a secret I could understand

life isn’t a journey or destination

it’s your choice to choose to buy in —

for me it’s better not to win.

So I sharpened my memory and tore out his tongue

recycled the organ from which I’d dislodged

filled it with the secret and sealed it shut

if X marks the spot then I’m fine —

love’s just footnotes in nursery rhyme.

Connecting the dots which soon filled my head

aligned with ideas I spoke with each step

life ain’t no cake walk or deal with respect

it’s your throat or mine well of course —

I’d take mine to spare you the course.

It’s kill or be killed so I’m on my knees

no fear any longer just tranquility

it’s obvious ain’t it half hearted pity

runs deep like the roots of despair —

no one’s got the cure or should dare.

So with that in mind one swift hit should do

a hole in the head hell it ain’t nothing new

I was head over heals now I’m sinking through

the clouds which look soft from afar —

at the end of this there’s only dark.

With all things considered it’s lovely I guess

like spilled paint confetti this hole in my chest

I’ve dug it before since third grade I guess

my actions speak louder than words —

it’s all been a blessing and curse.

Pull another Death card

I have no business

I’ve made that quite clear

But I’m still wondering

What lies beyond here

This bottle I’ve found

Is filled to the brim

With messages signed

In blood red penmanship.

The city wakes up

I open my eyes

These walls are filled with

Unsealed goodbyes

This letter I’ve got

Return to sender

I’ve not the courage

Or will to send her.

It’s 3 o’clock in

The fucking morning

These panic headaches

Come without warning

Now I just want sleep

No sleeping beauty

So when I lie down

Please keep my casket closed.

No kiss

Is worth

A thousand words

I know

So spare me the ritual.

This blind ambition

That I know so well

It’s superstition

Like Heaven and Hell

Now where’s that locket

The one I gave her

It felt so pure then

Like the last savior.

No one is perfect

I’ve made that quite clear

Still all this nonsense

Makes sense in the mirror

And when I throw up

It’s all of my fears

God had to go up

For us to burn down here.

So take this end and

Tie it to that beam

I weigh less than him

So it should hold me

And when I wake up

This’ll all be over

Pull another Death card

Rebirth and closure.

Nobody

Gets out

Of this place

Alive

Just promise me you’ll try.

die a King in your fantasy.

I don’t want to be a burden

I just wanna sit here and read.

So if that’s ok

then the band can play

I’ll look up a couple times to see.

Everyone who’s silently cursing

checking out the latest feed.

There’s someone I knew

from another life

I look away so they don’t notice me.

It’s a living, a hard living

the barista says while pouring cream

a couple swirls and a twist

now there’s a swan swimming in my drink.

Guess I never really felt like drowning

I just swam in this misery.

I guess I can’t complain

I made my bed

skipped my prayers

now I’m counting sheep.

Guess I never really felt like dying

just romanticized how life could be

it’s like a game of chess

you protect the Queen

and die a King in your fantasy.

Cause it’s a living, a hard living

it could be worse is a common phrase

a couple riffs then applause

now the band packs their noise and leaves.

If I have to take a vow of silence

plead the fifth in double time.

With all due respect

I think I must confess

I cracked up like a nursery rhyme.

Still I can’t sing that song without crying

so whatever shall be shall be.

I guess the world’s the same

rinse repeat complain

the punch line never hit with me.

So if you’re living, a hard living

here’s raising this glass to you

and if you’re worried, don’t worry

there’s bound to be an answer soon.

Cause baby I don’t wanna be a burden

I just want to write my poetry.

Because I’m not a rock

or an island but

ain’t that the only way to be free.

Kyle’s Camel

Kyle’s

Camel

cigarette

smoke

lingers in the air

creeping in my window

wishing me to dare

take another drag

see what you’ve been missing

though if I did decide

to have another kissing

I’d like to think

it would be mid winter

jangling down the streets

of New York City banter

admiring sleepy windows

with a stranger I barely know

after leaving the Wreck Room

now long since closed

and wondering if she feels

the same way I do

taking a long hot drag

while

trying to seem cool

knowing nothing about her

yet desperately wanting to

and they would taste like Brooklyn

they would be Pall Mall Menthol

crisp and clear and clean

like ice on the verge of thaw

we’d be cracking up.

a little jig with the birds

I took all my why’s and what for’s one day

and threw em like confetti out the window

fluttering and cutting through the air

they just fell to the ground as the wind

picked up and the cars and people

mulled through the day dragging with them

my black confetti underfoot and tire

picking at em like stuck gum

confused in chaos

I watched just for a little as they disappeared

and the crowds dispersed with the morning

afternoon and night till all was quiet again

all but me shaking my unchained head

and doing a little jig with the birds.

hills of Mulholland

How far West are you willing to go

she asked in the hills of Mulholland

Far enough I said, gripping the dash

Flooring it through winding curves

she closed her eyes and said

If it’s not over the edge than don’t bother

And that’s when I knew she’d never exist

Hitting the breaks and pulling over

I looked out upon the city

quietly

I was alone

a beacon

There must be something better

than living in this state

like a free floating feather

I must be on my way

it just took me some time

like Jenny on the run

through city lights, a heroine

to forest I have come

to recognize the stars

on a boat far out at sea

floating through the sky

my legs have taken leave,

and behind all of the people

I’ve passed along the way

is a shining light, a ray of hope

a beacon to this day.

I know you know what I don’t know.

I don’t know
which crushes my spirit more,

the heroin needles
outside my apartment building
or
the line of Ray-Ban wearing tourists
waiting for brunch.

I don’t know.
I
just
don’t
know.

A memory upon Mt. Whitney

Heavy
cologne
and
cigarette
smoke
are
gifts
from
the
city,
of
the
people,
seated
in
the
laundromat.

I remember it vividly.

Fresh
pine
sun
kissed
trail
the
gifts
from
the
forest,
of
the
land,
seated
upon
Mt.
Whitney.

I remember it vividly.

Sharing
a shot
with
Alex.

Morning musings.

In the morning
before the sun
when the birds speak
and the city wakes,
after a good night
of drink,
the cure all — water
by my bedside,
I listen
to the sweet symphony
in my guts.