Watching bees
Grass is green
Spring is here
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Watching bees
Grass is green
Spring is here
I spared him a quarter
alone where he stood
next to the Madonna
as if she’d do him good.
He gave me a blessing
gentle and aware
the wind it was violent
messing both our hair.
While Girl Scouts are selling
cookies for the troop
a week ago maybe
someone died on that stoop.
But don’t tell their mothers
as if they would care
no you don’t get the badge unless
you’ve sold your soul there.
My eyes they grow weary
still I can’t look away
at the hummingbird dancing
a loneliness grave,
still I’ve got this feeling
that there’s no escape
am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.
Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.
At the cafe I buy coffee
either iced or cold brew
the barista he tells me
nothing’s ever new.
But still I ask questions
like how do you do
and she recalls my name
it’s the least she could do.
I don’t mean to sound faithless
I’ve just seen enough kicks
see the old man he died, well
some things never make sense.
It’s slight of the hand, it’s
a scam with three cups
you follow the ball then
it’s gone where it was.
My eyes they burn red with
the heat of the day
it’s winter in Burbank
what more can I say,
still I’ve got this feeling
that there’s no escape
am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.
Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.
Now I take to the bar, where
Happy Hour’s till 6
Scott the tender he knows me
pours my whiskey then gin.
What’s the good word? Pal, tell me
do you think that you could
spare me knowledge like change would
do me some type of good.
I don’t stay past the hour
happiness never lasts
after shame there comes flowers
then of course there’s the past.
You’re a good guy he tells me
see the pain never lasts
I assure you it does, Scott
he just nods then he laughs.
See there’s beauty in living
it’s just hidden by stars
who illuminate sidewalks
like two subtle hearts,
still I’ve got this feeling
that there’s no escape
it’s an obvious cycle, one I’ll never break.(?)
Am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.
Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.
Look at me lovely this here is I guess
a mixture of meanings which help to make sense
of the past which gave us nothing but suspense
with fearful longing and a mother’s defense.
Look at me lovely with eyes in full bloom
now imagine a child alone in his room
the covers are pulled tight warm as a womb
his head full of static his heart thumping doom.
Look at me lovely take into account
these present day feelings are years gone without
comfort or closure confused full of doubt
exchanged for composure now deep underground.
Look at me lovely two decades gone by
and please ask yourself to whom do you cry
an eye for an eye I used to imply
now I want nothing more than to sleep through night.
Look at me lovely with infinite jest
this smile is armor for that I confess
in daydreams I make up reasons quite complex
for nightmares which haunted that boy in his bed.
Look at me lovely it’s lovely in fact
walking down sidewalks avoiding the cracks
though sometimes it feels like breaking your back
the pain that defines us with love cannot last.
Look at me lovely with harlequin eyes
for we are not wells that dry up inside
and take with you this last line then decide
his failure’s your lesson, her nurture’s your pride.
My eyes burn
with exhaustion
scanning the airport
for any sign of life
though heads down turned
there is none
just a few lone stragglers
who look around
the same as I
unwilling to accept the courtesy
of pleasant conversation
we remain
strangers
and
strangers to ourselves.
look a little less
in the mirror,
and a little more
inward,
it’s funny, telling all this
to my reflection