The man in me knows something gold can stay

It’s an early morning wake up(wake up)

Adjust your hair put on your makeup(makeup)

It’s just a temporary state but(state but)

Either way you’ve got to make up(make up)

For all the time that you pissed away

For every second mistake you made

For every little indiscretion

For all the time you failed to mention

I love you so much my stomach burns

I love you so much that I’m lost for words

I love you so much see my eyes are pure

So stick around and we can make this work

You formed this feeling in Long Island(I land)

On my back and watch the world spin(world spin)

Back and forth in all direction(directions)

They only form a brief connection(except when)

The one’s you love turn from gold to grey

Tell Johnny Frost said nothing gold can stay

I do my best to find another way

The way I work is slow but baby hey

I love you so much I get dizzy spells

I love you so much you’re my wishing well

I love you so much now I’m overwhelmed

I love you so much you’re my homeward bound

Your eyes are healing now I’m lost for words

So stick around let’s watch the season’s turn

I’m slow with change but baby I’ve got faith

This fire burns you are my great escape

The man you met knows there’s a better way

The man in me knows something gold can stay

Love’s the only cure.

I don’t wish to have the answers

for any questions of concern

just know that I am working

my hardest in reverse

to tame the wild memories

once thought of as a curse

those now that are a blessing

from the backseat of a hearse,

cause friendship it has shown me

like the calm hand of a nurse

the answers to the questions

where love’s the only cure.

I’m sorry my friend.

I wanted to help you

but hurt you instead.

The least I can say is

I’m sorry my friend.

The most I can do is

tell you I’m here,

no matter the distance

though waters aren’t clear,

it’s times like these—

a balloon in the air—

to let yourself go completely

and live not in fear.

You’re worth more than you know

I know this my friend

so follow your heart, and

try to understand.

I wanted to help you

but hurt you instead.

The least I can say is

I’m sorry my friend.

I let my ego take control

I let my ego take control

I lost myself but didn’t know

who or why or where to go

when I let my ego take control.

I let my ego take control

my face it turned white as a ghost

both fear and faith live in limbo

when I let my ego take control.

I let my ego take control

seconds split in vertigo

but quick as silver there it goes

only a house, never a home

when I let my ego take control.

In the house I keep

In the house I keep each wall shall be

A coloring book for poetry

Where colors burst in harmony

Where war and peace succumb to paint.

In the house I keep each window sill

Shall only bear the daylight spill

Where succulents hang with free will

Where laughter’s never faint.

In the house I keep each lock will turn

With open ended thoughts to churn

Where no one line deserves to burn

Where honesty is quaint.

But when fear knocks in the house I keep

There will be no reason for which to weep

My hands dipped well within relief

Each wall we’ll finger paint.

In the house I keep my only wish

To deserve and serve this simple dish

Where forks and knives grow strong and rich

Where no wall goes untouched.

Heaven here on earth.

How curious it is that I

no longer beg or question why

but rather like the naked eye

accepts the sky is blue—

with honesty and strength that I’ve

been granted through these tales of time

woven as one as you are I

accepts the ancient truth,

for like the moon and sun decide

to shed or shield eternal light

with arms spread thin wide opened eye

keep mine closed now to see,

what beauty lies beyond the pine

is neither up to you nor I

it’s always been like time gone by

regardless of the proof—

in truth it’s curious that I

could feel so pure estranged from life

whose meadow in the golden light

is heaven here on earth.

a loneliness grave.

I spared him a quarter

alone where he stood

next to the Madonna

as if she’d do him good.

He gave me a blessing

gentle and aware

the wind it was violent

messing both our hair.

While Girl Scouts are selling

cookies for the troop

a week ago maybe

someone died on that stoop.

But don’t tell their mothers

as if they would care

no you don’t get the badge unless

you’ve sold your soul there.

My eyes they grow weary

still I can’t look away

at the hummingbird dancing

a loneliness grave,

still I’ve got this feeling

that there’s no escape

am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.

Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.

At the cafe I buy coffee

either iced or cold brew

the barista he tells me

nothing’s ever new.

But still I ask questions

like how do you do

and she recalls my name

it’s the least she could do.

I don’t mean to sound faithless

I’ve just seen enough kicks

see the old man he died, well

some things never make sense.

It’s slight of the hand, it’s

a scam with three cups

you follow the ball then

it’s gone where it was.

My eyes they burn red with

the heat of the day

it’s winter in Burbank

what more can I say,

still I’ve got this feeling

that there’s no escape

am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.

Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.

Now I take to the bar, where

Happy Hour’s till 6

Scott the tender he knows me

pours my whiskey then gin.

What’s the good word? Pal, tell me

do you think that you could

spare me knowledge like change would

do me some type of good.

I don’t stay past the hour

happiness never lasts

after shame there comes flowers

then of course there’s the past.

You’re a good guy he tells me

see the pain never lasts

I assure you it does, Scott

he just nods then he laughs.

See there’s beauty in living

it’s just hidden by stars

who illuminate sidewalks

like two subtle hearts,

still I’ve got this feeling

that there’s no escape

it’s an obvious cycle, one I’ll never break.(?)

Am I ok to drive? I guess or else just look away.

Am I ok to drive? I guess, if not well either way.

I am an illusion

It took losing

everything,

to come to the conclusion

that I am an illusion

and we’ve always had

— from the beginning —

everything

to gain.

Everyday is Halloween

All this life it seems I’ve been running away

Thought I could turn it off

Pour me a cheap escape

Fine tune this sort of self therapy

It never goes away for long

An undying mother’s love

Nursed me warm when I was not

At 13 I learned a lot

To have and to have not

Yet still I’m dreaming of

His wake —

I tried to look into the psychic’s eye

Try to figure out what’s going on inside

He sold me fame and fortune, it’ll be alright

Still I wound up bound and down

Screaming never made a sound

I feel freedom in the clouds

A kiss really meant help me out

Some fell in love and some fell down

But I’m not looking for that now

Another needle in the crowd

Another burden, a life

released —

I had a girl you see, she was better than not

She gave me all she could in a parking lot

I forced myself to try but it was never enough

Yellow light flickered around

We were kids no one talked about

An endless stream of aimless doubt

Like a weight dragging me down

When all I wanted was an out

She burned quickly then burnt out

But she was pretty

I was lucky, she was free —

Daylight savings time in another month

I’ve been killing time since I was young

Never quite so sure who I was or what

he meant by get away from me

Or rather feeling the relief

His coarse beard upon my cheek

In the mirror what I see

Sometimes it isn’t me

I try my hardest to believe

A half hearted destiny

There’s a reason or a message

To be —

I turn myself around, spin it upside down

Try to feel awake the best I know how

Still that echo rings in one ear then out

This haunting jealousy

For everyone who isn’t me

For everyone I long to see

I keep them safe within a dream

Scrubbing never kept them clean

My hands is what I mean

Everyday is Halloween

Except I can’t wear my mask

and see —

So I’mma take a walk, drown myself in thought

kick rocks until I figure out the plot

I’ve held this silver plate as long as I can take

It never helped me in the end

I’d have to die to make amends

Till then I’ll cheers to friends

A forced smile helps you fit in

Sometimes it’s better to pretend

We don’t break until we bend

His choice is my defense

For choosing, to live

The end.

His final farewell

I recall the calm

as I recall the storm.

Lead foot hesitation,

the slamming of doors.

Endangered are many

who’ve less stayed for more.

Excuses are fatal,

not ours anymore.

See I recall quiet

death and coffin smell,

his mustache, beard shaven

estranged from the crowd.

Was I the unwelcome?

The burden? Expelled?

His name once my keeper

I’ve written it well.

Yes I recall freedom

wished upon a star,

a second floor window

alone in the dark.

The price no one bargained

unimaginably hard,

his soul like a raven

still blackens my heart.

A kid and a coffin

for now I recall,

the parlor room floor

dead silence in awe.

While tears spill to carpet

and jittering jaw,

echoed through the parlor

with no sign of God.

I recall the calm

the storm never ends,

it grows like a Cancer

bad thoughts fill my head.

His final farewell

is my cross to bear,

how no son of mine

shall feel such fear.