I thought I’d heard it all

until I heard a man

screaming at the top of his lungs

on a Sunday morning

at the mother of his child, because

for some people being an adult

just doesn’t quite fit in with their lifestyle—

This neighbor of mine

let’s call him Ray, he walks to the beat of his own drummer.

And frankly, that drummer sucks.

Whether he’s high all day, shouting who wants Champagne! (on a Thursday afternoon) or chasing women from his apartment claiming they’re trespassing while hollering,

YOU SELL SEX FOR FREE!

Hell, Ray does it all.

Record producer! Club promoter!

Youtube celebrity!

He’s a real stand up guy—

And all the while he’s shouting about custody.

Custody?

You mean the baby’s only in there half the time?

Well, I’ll be damned…

it’s 4am—and here we go again.

The best part is when he calls himself a grown ass man—screaming about a 34$ bottle of booze.

I mean, really?

You can’t make this shit up.