If nothing, I knew better

Yes, I knew better

with every fiber of my being

I just couldn’t stop the show

even if I’d wanted to

The dancers danced regardless

while the showmen sang,

underpaid and underdressed

If nothing, I knew better

than to give them validation

or the contents of my soul.

Cassadaga, 2011

I allow the teachings of the past to help guide my future.

After a good, long day of self reliance, sleep, and in depth personal analysis, I am left with this thought.

What you do from here on out is your own cross to bear.

Though like a broken record I’ve continued to circle in place.

But why?

Einstein said, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Well, though I agree I’m no Einstein, I’m not insane, I’m just a bit of a slow learner.

See, the hardest pattern to break isn’t necessarily the pattern but the mission so to speak.

We’re all on our own personal mission, aren’t we?

And whether or not we choose to accept it, it exists.

It’s taken many years through trial and error, deliberation, and self reliance to understand.

Carole King said, “you’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart…”

Carole also had two children by the time of her divorce and continued to create with love and compassion.

So what’s my personal mission? And what’s yours?

Will we rise tomorrow with faith and gratitude in our hearts or repeat the same patterns that no longer serve us?

Olmec said, “the choices are yours and yours alone.”

But of course we all need a few humorous anecdotes to help us get through.

And I will, as will you.

Tomorrow, reach a little further than you did today. Try something new and show the world the love in your heart. The choices are yours.

And I’ve built my cross, one which I’m willing to bear.

It’s a heavy son of a gun, but I assure you I’ll be walking, hand over foot—that which does not kill us, makes us stronger— like Nietzsche once said.

A Balancing Act.

Systems.

The idea of systems haunts me as of late.

How everything, big or small,

basically has a system.

Intricacies, that

develop over time,

through trial and error,

and eventually form a path.

A system.

And if properly put to work, should work, right?

Shouldn’t it?

It should, yes, you’re right…
No…It…Wait, oh who gives a shit.
What are you even talking about?

Systems. I’m talking about systems.

Big deal dummy…
Google. Facebook. MSNBC.
Rent is due and you’re stuck thinking about systems?

So to every system there must be a creator.

Like playing God.

It’s no use.
This system is flawed!
All system’s are flawed…

If all systems are flawed,

there must be a fail-safe,

duct tape,

a conscience.

And if properly put to work, should work.

Shouldn’t it?

In a perfect world yes, but this is not a perfect world.

This is not a perfect system.

For many,

this is,

a balancing act,

that in public, seems rational, adjusted,

a well oiled machine, though

further research shows,

a haunting dilemma – difficult to admit

between two parties,

whom share the same skin.

Who share the same system.