Nobody
changes.
We just learn
to limit
who we allow
in our lives
according to
their anxiety
provoked.
Don’t get me wrong
people can change
but
nobody changes
the way
you want them to,
nor should they
unless…
Nah, nobody
changes.
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the friends I had
The older I get
the more I appreciate
the friends I had
in my formative years
who were fun, jovial, excited
who were wild, eager, and never boring
who never gave a damn
whether or not
life was right or wrong
who just kept singing and
keep on singing
3,000 miles east and
even when I’m out of tune
I’m still fondly listening
to the chorus.
—karma’s a bitch—
I woke up today
glad that I did
with crippling
back pain and
Tylenol fix
but as I sit here now
heat pack in place
hardly able to walk
drink without chase
—karma’s a bitch—
but I’m glad I woke up
if just now to say
I’m glad I woke up
regardless the pain.
this one.
You can’t win
because it’s life
and there’s
nothing to win
just death
and then
whatever it is
you believe
will happen next.
For me I’ll be
reincarnated
to live
another life.
I just hope it’s
as strange
and weird
and cruel
and wonderfully
disastrous as
this one.
Maybe one
with less love
and more
true love.
Maybe not.
3:08
3:08
and I’m happy.
Not the smiling sort of
tell-all happy but
the breathing in the moonlight
kind of easiness,
just being, barely conscious
and willing to be free.
And
it’s 3:12 now
and shit,
you know how it goes.
They had me at goodbye.
They had me at goodbye
as they always seemed to die
slow like a rose
one day jubilant and alive
then like sleep goes the week
and it’s noticed that the rose
has died. But see, I kept them there
all wilted and decayed
brown and crumpled I’d debate
taking them to the trash
throwing them away, though
a rose in its youth is beautiful
so too is a rose left to dry.
So I pressed them between pages
and drew a pretty picture
poured ink from my memory
so that even in death
they’d remain
alive.
season of change
Never had a bad intention
I just always made some bad decisions
that usually got way out of hand
and discredited my good intent
though looking a bit harder now
I guess I was just angry and confused
and figuring it out the best I knew how
given time, place, and circumstance
I mean I was just 16 then 19 — 23 then 25
now 31 doesn’t feel so old, in fact
I feel much younger than my former self
ready to dive back into that season of change.
Kyle’s Camel
Kyle’s
Camel
cigarette
smoke
lingers in the air
creeping in my window
wishing me to dare
take another drag
see what you’ve been missing
though if I did decide
to have another kissing
I’d like to think
it would be mid winter
jangling down the streets
of New York City banter
admiring sleepy windows
with a stranger I barely know
after leaving the Wreck Room
now long since closed
and wondering if she feels
the same way I do
taking a long hot drag
while
trying to seem cool
knowing nothing about her
yet desperately wanting to
and they would taste like Brooklyn
they would be Pall Mall Menthol
crisp and clear and clean
like ice on the verge of thaw
we’d be cracking up.
that lone bird this morning
My friend is back
that lone bird
this morning
he’s brought a friend
and wouldn’t you know
here I am
barely awake
and jealous of him
though not to spoil their party
I ear my headphones
stretch and bend
It’s got to be 60 degrees
and while I run
I think of them
happy among the trees.
moving West
I flipped myself
like a coin
then flipped again
just to see
if heads or tails
would land twice
like a pollinating
honey bee
I figured if I had a
50/50 chance
I might as well
take a look see
and feel what lie on the
other side of dying
rather than spend another
long day trying
to convince myself
I’d be better off another house wife
crying
into coffee
or screaming into laundry
relying on the offerings
of innocent smiles
casting unintentional
shadows on my coffin
of denial
marred by my own
self loathing
which like a
preacher’s devotion
I took such pride
in approaching
solitude
like a potion
endlessly encroaching
on my own
well being
I admit I was broken
so I flipped that coin
heads
then I flipped myself
tails
and discovered
this notion
that
heads or tails I was going
Going
Gone
with the wind
not a rolling stone
or a tumbleweed
not a nickel or dime
not a honey bee
no I was a wreck
cast far out to sea
but that’s just the thing
it took all that to see
moving West wouldn’t be
all that easy for me
no nothing is lucky
nothing is free
except the glow of bonfire
in the dead of tree
where dancing shadows
take form and
I’m just
understandably me — hell
it’s already 1:03
and I’m hungry
but
I’ve got no food to eat —
so call it in the air
no
on second thought
I’ll just let this one be.
Words Of An Average White Male 