I don’t mean to sound defeated
It just always hurt to try
Knowing there’s no meaning
In waiting out the night,
So I take my lashes willing
Under this starry sky
Knowing there’s no reason
Or pain to justify
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Tag Archives: reason
Aprils Fool
I wish I could have been
The air of reason
Forever calm
Before the storm
Instead of becoming
Those howling winds
Those howling winds
You knew before
But having been
Picked over plenty
Like a jukebox full
Of another’s score
And though I never
Sought to reign
Like Aprils Fool
I seem to pour
To understand one’s suffering
To understand one’s suffering
Is to understand our own,
Knowing causes pain—
But still with hope we try
To understand one’s suffering
Is to be on their side, regardless
Of the awful many cuts
Through the tenderness of night—
Their aim is (not) to heal
But still with hope we lie,
To understand one’s suffering(…)
Like fruit picked from a vine.
Streams
Whatever stream it gets to you by,
it’s still a stream—leading nowhere
to some, somewhere to many, and
to others it’s—already there.
The off-days
It’s not the job that does a man in
but the off-days,
when he’s got the time
but still can’t find the reason.
So it seems here, now, in the mornings clean light, where all that I can do is observe—in nature that surrounds—human nature take its course.
I spent a good portion of last night, mooring with the tide, tied to emotions, most of which surely weren’t mine to suffer, though, like a good little buoy I did all I could to stay afloat.
But what causes a man to harbor such feelings of faithless dread.
Sympathy? Empathy? Selfless, selfishness?
Isn’t it funny how even when no one asks us to suffer, we often choose to suffer.
Could it stem from guilt? Plausible, though I think not. Depression? No, because I could still move. Trauma? Not in this case, as it had nothing to personally do with me.
Perhaps than maybe deeper, beyond the physical self, far from age or reason, like roots grown deep within the soil, always there yet invisible to the naked eye.
So then what?
Let’s take the current state of society in which the mind is placed.
We are and always have been reactionary beings, jumping to conclusions without fully taking the time and energy to understand or explore where these irrational compulsions come from.
So the year is 2020 and we are still at one another’s throats.
Not a day goes by that I don’t get a phone call whether or not I am willing to vote. Not a day goes by that I don’t see one side of the argument ready and willing to cut the other’s throat. Not a day goes by where I don’t get the impression that peace is just dependent on war, like an inside joke I just don’t get the humor.
So it’s within this grey area that I swim where both sides of the equation continue to expel these deep seeded emotions from within.
Had it not been for the open minded, tirelessly educated guidance and good nature of a mother, I may have gone another way years ago, though still I stay afloat while the undertow continues its torment.
So it seems here, now, in the mornings clean light, where all that I can do is observe—in nature that surrounds—human nature take its course.
I know who I am. And I know my intentions are good. Sometimes our actions speak louder than words but for most of us, words just don’t seem to be heard.
But that’s no reason to destroy what you can’t control.
So for those who cannot express or explain this current state of extremes we face both alone and together, I suggest this: be a beacon of hope.
Because what we know today, with or without our help, will surely change tomorrow.
So even in my darkest hours, I know, hope will never falter, light will find a way, and tides will turn, if not now, then surely another day.
An all too common feeling
I can’t explain the reason
I end up in this place
Each page another season
Aware there is no race
The end of new beginnings
Perhaps I’ll save some face
An all too common feeling
This one I can’t explain
At times it leaves me reeling
At times it leaves me faint
At times it can be healing
Most times it’s a disgrace
Perhaps what leaves me stuck in
This all too common place
Are shadows in this doorframe
The one’s I can’t erase
My bad.
Confusion
with a thirst
of stale bitterness
is no reason
to poison someone’s
happiness.
My bad.
Reason #7 for Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail
I’ve never seen a waterfall.
Well, I have, just nothing memorable.
I’ve never walked through desert.
Well, I have, but that was a Vegas vacation.
I’ve never seen a bear.
Well, I have, but that was on Nat-Geo.
I’ve never seen you smile,
like when you’re in the wild.
And that is reason enough.
A Life Altering Depression that led to a Conscious Awareness of Choice.
If you lay in bed long enough,
eventually,
you understand that there’s no reason to leave.
When you don’t have the answers,
for the way you’re feeling,
you understand that it’s better to give them what they want to hear.
After you’ve made a decision,
hastily,
that feels like anything but,
all that’s left is to wait for the consequence.
If you hide yourself away long enough,
eventually,
you understand that the calls will stop coming.
And even if you had the answers,
for the way you’re feeling,
you understand they wouldn’t even make a difference to the big picture.
After you’ve checked the mail,
twice a day,
for what feels like months,
all that’s left is to accept the denial letter, denying you back, from where you fled.
…
They don’t want you anymore.
They won’t trust you anymore.
Do they love you?
Or.
Are they just putting up with more of your bullshit?
They want you to succeed.
Remember when they said, “remember us when you’re famous!”
Did they ever realize the pressure?
Or.
Weren’t they just trying to inspire you to believe your own self-worth?
…
If you lay in bed long enough,
eventually,
you understand that it’s difficult to be anywhere but.
When you still don’t have the answers,
for giving up on the plan,
you understand that maybe it’s better to give them truth instead of lies.
After your insecurity turns to shame,
and fear is watered down,
a fire begins to burn,
and all that’s left to do is coax it.
If you hide yourself away long enough,
eventually,
you understand that it’s your turn to make the calls.
And while contemplating the answers,
for the way that you’re feeling,
you understand that the big picture doesn’t give a damn either way.
After your shame turns to curiosity,
and fear fizzles out,
a flame can turn to wildfire,
and all that’s left to do is decide.
Will you get out of bed?
Or will you fake this grave till you make it?
Nobody cares, really.
Nobody, except the one’s you love.
Despair comes for us all,
but,
it doesn’t have to – always – be the present constant,
in fact,
no matter how hard you try to make it seem…
This is life.
There is choice.
This is not a heads or tails game.
